So yesterday at my church was Youth Sunday (Yay fifth Sundays :)) and the youth choir sang a song by Tasha Cobbs called “Happy”
When I heard the song in church I liked it almost immediately, well really when the song got to this part, “Your Life Saved My Life/With You is where I belong/I’m so in love with You.” Well after figuring out who sings the song, thanks @yobreezy, and listening to it a few times (had my morning praise and worship today). I started to get some revelation about my love for God.
I’ve always struggled with the love thing, getting better, thanks to having my heart broken a few times and this struggle affected me to a point where I wasn’t able to express my love towards God because I was afraid He would reject me too (wasn’t logical since God is love but a wounded person will make sense out of almost anything). Anyways, I’ve moved from that place and between hearing this song and some other recent events it kinda hit me this morning about God love v. people love which is how this post is called “Butterflies v. Soul Stirring.”
Recently, I have been asking God to show me how I can love Him and love a man. Basically, in my singleness I have been really working the last two years on improving my relationship with God but I don’t want to be single forever and I don’t want to loose God, by my doing of course, when the time comes for me to get into a romantic relationship again (Dear Future Husband, God comes first punto!).
In relation to this seeking of God, one of the verses I would say to myself to God in my quiet time and praise and worship time is from Psalm 27: 8 which I know better in Spanish (I explain a bit about this below), “Me dice el corazón: <<Busca su rostro>>. Sí, tu rostro, Señor, es lo que busco;” Basically, here David is sharing with God that he is seeking God’s face. I am doing the same thing but one thing I feared was loosing God when the time came for me to not be single anymore or to be in that process of moving from singleness.
So butterflies🙂 are probably one of the best discoveries of puberty, lol. I STILL remember the first boy that gave me butterflies. I was in 7th grade and he was an 8th grader. The song I had for him was Fantasy by Mariah Carey (I mean this was the late 90s).
I thought he was sooooooo cute and every time I would see him my stomach would flutter. Either that or I would think about him and sing to him, to myself, when “Fantasy” would start and Carey belts out, “Oh when you walk by every night/talking sweet and looking fine/I get kinda hectic insiiiidddeeee/Oh baby I’m so into you…” (Yes after all these years I STILL have that opening memorized :D).
So after my 7th grade crush, I knew that when butterflies showed up…I really liked a guy🙂
So the soul stirring thing I admit is newer than butterflies. But the more I’ve listened to Christian music and read my Bible and gained an understanding of who God is and what He has done for me and us as people on this planet this soul stirring, its hard to put what happens in words, happens more and more. Additionally, I’ve noticed that I get a deeper understanding of the words that gospel artists share when they sing. My recent shift has even gotten to a point where sometimes when I listen to R&B, instead of thinking about a crush, present or past, I think about God or think that well…those feelings, as shared in the song, are a bit much to be having for just a person.
For me, soul stirring is also a feeling like butterflies but its deeper and instead of being a distraction, as butterflies often are, soul stirring focuses me. And, it allows me to understand my love of God on another deeper level. This stirring also brings up memories but God memories…times in the past where God was there when no one else was there or when God sent me things like Psalm 27 when I was struggling in Spain as a study abroad student who always wanted to go to Spain but felt torn when they didn’t like it as much as they thought they should and who was also getting over their first love. It was a lot but God came through, and I’m not sure how much I understood that at the time but it did help, and Spain got better and I had a great time and the hurt from the first love eventually healed.
So what got my soul stirring to get me to write today? My meditation on these “Happy” song lyrics:
You Make Me Happy/You Make Me Whole/You Take the pain away..I’m So in love with you/Everything about you is Right…Covers all my wrong/Your Life Saved My Life/With You is where I belong/I’M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU./CAN’T MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU/I LIVE TO WORSHIP YOU/FOREVER ME AND YOU
When I heard these words, especially those last four lines, there was this instant connection like, “that’s me! that’s my story! that’s how I feel!” Soul stirring…Then the more I listened and reflected and meditated on the words of this song and some other things that’s when I understood that the fear I felt about mixing up my love for God and the future love of a man is something I don’t have to worry about because God’s love hits me in a way that no human can! [Praise pause :)] A human can’t stir my soul and if I ever get to that point I know that something is wrong.
All of This to Say…
That I’m really glad to get the insight that I got. I’m also glad that both butterflies and soul stirring are so enjoyable and that I can appreciate both things in new ways. Finally, I’m really glad that, “I’m so in love with You [God],” and that I am more and more aware of it every day.
Thanks for reading and until next time…